YACK!

Hey, ma....I got something' for ya, and it ain't a raspberry.

It's been four barf-drenched days since the beginning of Ava's first stomach bug, and let me tell you, when she gets sick, she commits, because this one was a four-day long hummmmdinger.

Without dragging you through he gut-wrenching details, I'm very much embarrassed that it took me three days to realize that clear liquids (such as Pedialyte) would be a bit more productive than calorie-fortified formula.  I think I was so panicked about her losing precious calories (which she was going to lose out one end or the other anyway), I went into sort of a food-shoveling frenzy, frantically attempting to feed her a smidgen of something that might miraculously stick to her cramping stomach. 

 In my overbearing insanity, every memory of wanting absolutely nothing of substance when I had childhood stomach bugs was somehow erased and replaced with the irrepressible urge to FEED, FEED NOW, FEED MUCH, FEED OFTEN.  And so our imaginary baby-Mommy exchange went something like this:

You want a bottle, sweet baby?

NO.  FEEL POO.

But you need to eat.

NO EAT.  WILL YACK.

I think you need to eat.

NOOOO

I will go make you a bottle.

DON'T LEAVE!!!  MOMMY IS THE WORLD!!

Just a second, sweetie.  Gonna put you down for just a second...

NOOOOOOO WORLD SUCKING WORMHOLE WHERE IS MOOOOOOOOOM?!?!

I'm almost done.... You're okay, baby, you're okay!

YYYYEEEEAAAAAHHHHHHHGGGGHHH IT'S ALL OVERRRRRRRR 

Here I am, honey!  And I have a bottle!

*SNIF* *HIC*  OH, YOU BACK.  OHHHHHH MOMMY.  I CAN SPLAT ON YOU.  *FLOP* *SIGH*

Heeere's lunch!

NYAH.

Want a bite of sweet peas?

YYYYERGH.

Just....take....the bottle..... Need milk....

UH-UH.  UUUNH!   NERRRRRRRR!  *pop*

There ya go!  Just had to get going....

-two minutes later-

UH, MA....

Uh-oh.

GGGGGGLLARBBPFFFT!!!!!!!

....and every time,  EVERY STINKING TIME, it was like a huge surprise that she had contributed yet another layer of yellow paint on the walls.  

Now, I would like to share with you a handful of factuals I have gleaned from this valuable learning opportunity:

Upon the onset of a stomach bug, give clear fluids and plenty of couch snuggles....and nothing else for awhile.  The writhing, cramping stomach muscle in there needs a break.

Stop feeding, even when you think baby should not be full.  Everyone's appetite is different from day to day.  If you overfeed baby, chances are the overabundance will end forcibly ejected, anyway. It's better to keep a little down than to lose a lot on your loafers.

And next time Ava comes down with a typical stomach bug, I will hopefully recall this nerve-trying, sleep-deprived episode and resist the urge to force-feed her rich dairy, gagworthy purees, and meatballs.

"This bug has got me lookin' so crazy right now...."