Deaf.

We're on our way to the pediatrician's office today, and even though this appointment was meant to be a checkup, something tells me we might not be headed home when we leave his office.

My guess is we'll probably end up back at Children's, or Daddy will have to bring baby downtown to bail Mommy out for throwing fish from the waiting room fish tank at the doctor's scheduling staff.  (About half of the times we've made appointments with our primary care fellow, we've ended up in front of another doc.  She's perfectly nice and seemingly competent, but I asked for MY doc for a reason.  Don't give me a muffin and tell me it's a cupcake.)

Since we returned home on Friday, Ava's progress has ground to a halt.  We're doing everything we were advised to do by her doctors -- feeding her fortified, thickened formula from a special bottle, medicating her reflux, using advised feeding positions -- and what little ground we had gained has slipped drastically.  

My baby girl rarely seems hungry.  She can hardly tolerate more than two and a half oz at a time, with the exception of her 5 pm meal, when she takes four.   She ate well last night, taking her bottle calmly and without excitation.  She nearly polished off five ounces when she tossed the whole thing.  I even tried waking her in the night for a bottle, but between the spell of the sandman and seeming full, she hardly committed to the single ounce she ate.

Didn't seem hungry this morning, even thirty minutes after she awoke.  She kinda loblollied around with three ounces for forty minutes before she outright refused the remainder.  I let her play and rest,  then offered her more two and a half hours later.... And that's when the whorking began again.

She acts as if she's full.

If a baby tells you something, believe it.

Being full is not the same as reflux, people.  

Even if her esophagus was acid-burned, wouldn't her stomach still be empty and transmitting hunger signals?  And wouldn't she have showed signs of major reflux, say, ON AN UPPER GI STUDY?

"A little reflux -- the normal amount for her age," is what they saw in the X-ray room.  Direct quote.

I'm ashamed to admit it now, but I think I grew so weary of trying to get her medical team to hear me out, I just became resigned and gave into their way of treating symptoms instead of isolating a CAUSE and then treating accordingly.  And now we're back to square one.  That's what I get for allowing them to send us home with a speculated diagnosis.  

Until I get someone to really investigate beyond what they were willing to, I suspect I'm about to bruise some egos and make some enemies our next go round.... 

Which will probably be taking place in 3, 2, 1.......

*~*~*~*

(Post-appointment update:)

I do think we have further, deeper work to do to get her eating well again.  As much as I wish the cause of Ava's eating problems were as simple as refluxing, the fact that she's relapsed into her same old patterns since we got home confirms to me that we just got a ticket to Nowheresville upon her discharge.

I'm grateful that her pediatrician took the time to sit down and validate our ongoing concerns today.  We have a couple of of pending referrals to investigate our lingering concerns regarding her digestion, and a weight check on Friday at his office.  That is, if we're not checked back in to ACH by then for dehydration.  

Going to spend the next few days taking things slowly and gently with my little monkey moo, all the while reserving my own strength and keeping the laundry running and the pointless gallivanting to a minimum.  In the history of tired moms, I know there has been much harder crosses to bear than mine.... But minimizing my own situation doesn't mean my brain doesn't feel like scrambled eggs sloshing around up there.  It just means that I'm going to have to reserve the energy I normally utilize in socializing and doing fun things in order to  make sure i am über-organized, well-informed, and clear in my communication when I most need to be effective.

So I apologize to anyone ahead of time if I fail to give special attention or detailed, minute to minute updates on what's going on with us.  I'm going to have to increasingly depend upon  you to check this space to answer those questions.  Just please be patient with me, with us.    

Ava needs my best.