There's some pageant fashion. Some New Jersey prog rock acts. Reminders of the upcoming Twin Peaks Fan Festival in Squalomie, Washington (if I'm gonna geek, I'm gonna geek whole-hog). And look, kids! A well-written and timely article on the important political topic of the day. Keen!
It's amazing how finely distilled your life becomes when most all of your pleasure is derived from insuring the comfort and wellness of another (tiny) human being.
Because I can't sleep, here are a list of things that slap a smile on my face tonight:
1. The peculiar squeaking that occurs only during deep baby sleep.
2. Real food. The kind with vegetables and no mayonnaise or high fructose-based dipping sauce.
3. Timely and attentive nurses. They don't have to be overly friendly or even social at two in the morning. Just competent.
4. Riffing on the subject of the Golden Girls with a youthie from church.
5. High oxygen saturation levels during Ava's sleep time. This means no nasal cannula, no alarms, no panic.
6. The fuzzy blanket sweet Daddy brought me from home, because this sheet of toilet paper they call a hospital blanket just doesn't cut it.
7. All of the funny, insightful things my loved ones have posted throughout the course of their day. It does my heart good to be reminded there is a world outside hospital walls.
*~*~*~*~*
After Ava was wheeled into surgical recovery this afternoon (and all the color came back into my face, I was told), it took awhile for me to adjust to the look of her tummy. She now has what's referred to commonly as a "button" -- a tube that allows us to deposit food directly into her stomach if necessary. This serves a twofold purpose: to secure that part of her floppy little stomach muscle with minimal scarring at her abdominal wall (which will better preserve her odds of keeping any possible future surgeries from being done in a more invasive manner than laparoscopically), and to offer us a way to feed her if she continues to refuse complete oral feedings (which we will begin to attempt tomorrow). She has a few new little scars that look very similar to the ones she had from her first surgery, and her bellybutton's been remodeled, giving it more of an inny look. She might appreciate that during future bikini seasons.
I've seen a lot of graphic images of the human body (some in pictures, and some in person) and even though this is a tidily-accomplished surgery, seeing what Ava would have to recover from this time made my stomach wrench. That'a part of the reason I've been awake all night, mentally measuring the inflection and speed of her breathing and keeping a close eye on her monitor. Such an intrusion into one's abdomen has the certain risk of becoming extremely hurtful if her pain management is not monitored mindfully. Being as she is my flesh and blood and her cries are hard-wired to send off a rush of panic in my Mommy brain, it's best if I miss some sleep tonight to insure that kitten's pea-green boat to dreamland is not rocked, and that her comfort is maintained.
So sleep tight, Sweet Cheeks, and start practicing your sleep smiles for when Daddy arrives in the morning. The Healer holds you, and Mommy is happy to have an angel like you to look after in the night.
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