Neighborly Love

"One of the greatest gifts you can give anybody is the gift of your honest self. I also believe that kids can spot a phony a mile away.”

 

Fred Rogers is my hero.

To my personal shame, I didn’t give him much credit when I was a little kid.  Compared to the flashier, high fructose corn syrup-laden children’s programming of the eighties, his world seemed sedate in comparison.  When I was tired enough to spread a pallet on the living room floor and curl up to watch television at a 90 degree angle, then I would watch Mister Rogers.

There were no frightening creatures or villainous shades in his neighborhood. The characters who populated his world fell into one of two honored categories: neighbors and friends.  It’s not that he ever denied the existence of hurtful people in the world; he just gave children a safe place where they didn’t have to look over their shoulder for thirty minutes a day.  It wasn’t a platform for plot-driving conflict or a long-form advertisement for a brand of merchandise.  He simply discovered the world around him, and asked me questions which I in turn would ask myself.  What should I do when other kids tease me?  If mommy and daddy fight, do they still love each other?  What happens when my goldfish dies?

There were no teasing insults or playful barbs flung on his show.  If he was angry or upset, dadgummit, he told you so.  And then he explained how he intended to deal with that. 

Sometimes his explanations took the form of play. 

“When we treat children's play as seriously as it deserves, we are helping them feel the joy that's to be found in the creative spirit. It's the things we play with and the people who help us play that make a great difference in our lives.”

― Fred Rogers

As I grew older, I still watched his show on occasion when I wasn’t driving myself and my parents crazy by running from activity to activity after school.  Although I didn’t realize it at the time, I was drawn to his show’s slow, purposeful pacing.  While other kids’ shows were booby-trapped with explosions and loud buzzers and trendy costuming, Mr. Rogers remained quietly consistent – as comforting and familiar as a grilled cheese sandwich after school.  He never attempted to merely entertain me; no, that would have been a squandered opportunity on his part to bring out the best in his viewers instead of relegating them to the status of a mere audience charged with stoking his vanity.  He considered his viewers to be his equal, not as an adoring mass to be kept at bay by bodyguards and mansion gates.    

 

 

“I believe that appreciation is a holy thing--that when we look for what's best in a person we happen to be with at the moment, we're doing what God does all the time. So in loving and appreciating our neighbor, we're participating in something sacred.”

― Fred Rogers

I feel like I carry a piece of Fred Rogers’ mission in my heart when I have the opportunity to interact with children, especially the very young.  I remember being very responsive toward the adults in my life who spoke to me with a kind-yet-straightforward treatment (as was his manner), and it’s my intention pass that on by being mindful of the way I interact with the young.  They want to be heard and directed. 

I don’t believe that children should be spoken to as adults, or as ignorant pets.  Gentleness and firmness are both necessary, and discipline plays an important role in establishing where a parent stands in relation to a child.  But interaction, pure and simple, seems most imperative to me.  It says, “You are worth my time and attention.  My attention is a representation of my love for you.” And I think it takes equal measures of wisdom and candor to communicate well with them, especially your own. 

It saddens me to know that so many children seem abandoned within their own house just because their parents don’t try to understand who they are and guide them through life equipped with that understanding.  At the foundation of each child’s emotional development, there are things that child needs to be secure in – things that only an important adult can imprint onto their heart.  These were words that I know I longed for and was nourished with by the adults I held in high regard:

“I know you’re afraid, but we love you and will protect you.”

“You’re so smart!”

“What do you think about this situation?”

“Let me teach you how.”

“How you feel matters to me.”

My specific prayer in the coming months is for our child to be secure in these foundations, and to receive such clear confirmation from us, her parents, as well as other important "neighbors" in her life.          

“Love isn't a state of perfect caring. It is an active noun like struggle. To love someone is to strive to accept that person exactly the way he or she is, right here and now.”

― Fred Rogers